I have a FB friend who posts daily questions from his readers. Today’s question was regarding the stares and questions this particular reader receives regarding her biracial children…What country were they adopted from? Are they her REAL children? How do I deal with the staring? etc.
I found the hateful “Mind your own damn business” responses alarming. Most of the people leaving comments seemed to agree that those types of questions and stares are always racist, rude, and mean.
“You can only combat stupidity and ignorance with sarcasm.”
“Tell them to mind their business. Period. Point. Blank.”
“People are just rude! I agree, they should mind their own business. Why can’t people just get along and stop hating?“
“You should not have to explain yourself to no one.”
“Ignore ’em nosy MFs!!!”
“Don’t say nothing other than mind your own damn business and keep it moving. Don’t let ur kids hear u trying to validate them. It will make them feel like something is wrong with them or that they are different.”
MY TURN:
Look, People! If we want this world to become educated about our beautiful, multiracial families and children, then it is up to us to educate the world! Being hateful, offended, defensive, or rude is NOT the answer. I once even had a DERMATOLOGIST ask me if my daughter was adopted. (What?!) In his defense though, there are a lot of trans-racial/international adoptions taking place. I just smiled and corrected him.
As far as the staring…what I tell my kids is that they can’t always assume people are staring out of rudeness, maybe those people are just taken back by the bright light of beauty exuding from them (which is true, they are gorgeous :))!
Is answering a few questions, with a right spirit, really such a big sacrifice? Maybe your answer will prevent the next of us from having to answer later…
Why? Why say mind your own damn business? Ignorance and stupidity are two different things…Yes, if you’re dealing with stupidity, snap back at them if you feel the need to be on their level. If you’re dealing with someone who is just ignorant, someone who doesn’t even know how to word a question about something they are just curious about, why be rude? My kids certainly don’t feel like something is wrong with them, they very much know who they are and are enlightened enough to let someone else know too.
My mother, bless her heart, sometimes I believe she thinks that because many of her grandchildren are biracial, and she loves without restrictions based on skin tone and hair texture, that the rest of the world does too and now race issues are no more (and believe me, I wish that were the case…but it’s not). We have to educate her about the real position of the issues at times. Many people don’t have that benefit, and just don’t know. So, you can choose to give that gift of knowledge…OR you can perpetuate the rudeness that is pissing you off in the first place.
I certainly don’t “explain myself” to people…I just smile and answer a question. I don’t try to convert anyone to interraciality or try to convince them to change their views with my words. My actions will speak louder than those anyway. So, I consider myself one of the many faces of multi-racial families…and I represent respectfully!
Keep in mind…Just because we all live on the same planet, doesn’t mean we all live in the same world! Patience, not anger, is how we bring these worlds together.
Very well written. I try to deal with those questions in a respectful manner as well. Not to say that I have never given a quick retort back, but I try not to.