Thinking so much about the kids this week. Not the five blessings I gave birth to…rather the several other blessings that God put us in charge of, even if just for a time. It is a big week in our family – we will welcome four new members. I didn’t realize the time would speed by so quickly. Lord knows that there were days and weeks that just drrraaaaaggggggedddddd by – trying to provide for so many children, when we were really just kids ourselves. So many months of just not being able to see the light at the end of the tunnel, and yet…here we are.
Fayzonn will become a father by the setting of tomorrow’s sun…saying goodbye to the day will mean saying hello to his new son, Trezonn Santrell. Fayzonn always had such a loving heart, so affectionate by nature, so ready to love anything that he felt would love him back. I know he will be a great dad in that sense, but still I am worried about the lessons that life is waiting to teach him…I hope he is a good student.
Antone will become a husband on the day we honor our veterans…becoming one with not only the woman who captured his soul, but also her two children. He will be the head of a family…his family, and they will be a part of our family. I know that he is very much in love and I know he is happy, but it is such a big step for a young man to take. His responsibilities will be great, his joys may be greater…that is also my hope.
Also on my mind has been Star. She is halfway through her senior year and although it has been an uphill battle at times…she is a soldier. She will have the victory. I just know it. I love her and miss her everyday…and I know she misses us too. I love her phone calls, whether they are to celebrate another success or to vent in frustration of her present circumstances…I’m just glad that she still knows I am here for her.
I have had some regrets about our decision to take on Tony’s siblings all those years, I can’t lie. There have been times when I was resentful for the years, gone forever, spent taking care of someone else’s children, and then I am reminded…they were also my children for a time. I am still important to them, some more than others, but always a good memory in their minds, I think. I also have to remind myself that, after nearly two decades and my entire adult life so far, it’s not just about how I impacted their lives…but also how they defined mine. I am this woman because of the life that I have lived…that I chose to live.
And the truth is…I kind of like this woman.