I Love You Grandma

I just found out tonight that my grandma will enter hospice tomorrow…the remainder of my evening saw it’s share of tears. I know she is tired, I know she is ready to go, therefore, I also know that these tears that stain my cheek are for me…not for her. How selfish am I? That I would want her to stay for just a bit longer? In recent years, I just haven’t been the granddaughter I should have been to her…I guess I just assumed that I would have plenty of time to make it up to her. I mean, there’s always next week or the week after that, right? Wrong.

I love you Grandma…

I remember as a very young child, the church and home she (they) kept in Cottage Grove. There was this cabinet that ran between the living room and dining room behind it. I think it was meant to store firewood or something, not really sure. What I am sure about, though, is the incredible set of Barbie dolls she kept there for us to play with. Oh, they had the most beautiful clothes…and in my mind I would slip away and pretend those lovely gowns were mine. I always felt so pretty when I played with those dolls.

I love you Grandma…

When I was eleven, she and my grandfather took me on the trip of my life. He was an evangelist then. We spent the summer traveling (in a motor-home) across the entire nation visiting church camps. I had so much fun, met so many new people. It was during that trip that she bought me my first bra. She seemed happy about doing this for me…sort of proud that we would always have this memory…just for the two of us.

I love you Grandma…

When my own parents experienced such financial difficulties, we had to move across the country to live with my grandparents. We used to make fun of her because she did such “crazy” things. We were only allowed two minute showers which I thought was incredibly mean! (of course, it would still be years before I knew what a water bill was – let alone had to pay one). She was keenly aware of the beginning time of our showers and would come-a-stomping down the stairs, reach into the shower and turn off that water if we exceeded those two minutes! It’s funny now, but man did it suck if you still had soap on ya!

I love you Grandma.

Sunday roast…Charlie perfume (thanks for reminding me of that Deb)…making us laugh as she cackled like a witch when she’d take out her dentures (scary, but very funny)…the way she loved her many (but one at a time) dogs…polyester pants (didn’t know they came in so many colors) and floral print shirts…blue water in the toilets…the very best decorations every, single holiday…teaching me to finger crochet…the smell of a motor home…catching fireflies on a warm, southern night…chasing boys down the street with a broom when they came asking for her granddaughters…eating like a bird (none of us had the heart to tell her that birds can eat twice their weight)…”never taken a sip of that poison in my life!”…tiny ankles and beautiful hands…loving me…loving us all…

I love you Grandma…