Mark That Off The List

s42239ca117895_8_7Finally starting to get stuff marked off the big, better get this all done before the baby comes, to-do list. With so much continually going on around here, it’s amazing I have time to even pee. Antone’s high school graduation Thursday, Friday was Olivia’s bachelorette party, too much happening on Saturday to even list, D’Lo had his dedication at church on Sunday, and today, well, I believe we got these pregnancy pics done just in time…I’m still having random contractions all day long. My body is definately sending the clear message that I need not do this again. I mean, the heart of me knows that never again will I feel the miracle of a life within my own, but the sheer exhaustion, swollen feet, heartburn, and constant middle of the night trips to the can are really trying to steal the joy out of this, my last expectant experience.

He should be arriving in the next week or two. My fourth child arrived a little before 39 weeks and I didn’t feel nearly this pregnant with him, or really with any of them. I’m just about to reach 37 weeks so, hopefully, I should be safe at least through Olivia’s wedding this Saturday. Even now his movements are way too large for a space that’s way too small and I swear it feels like he’s trying to claw his way through my cervix from the inside out. 

Seriously though, I am feeling like a very blessed woman. We all have complaints about our pregnancies but, all in all, this one last run at it has been miraculous. God has been good to us and, sitting there today at the portrait studio, reviewing all the beautiful pictures of an even more beautiful family, we were both feeling humbled by the honor of parenting such amazing little people. All of them at varying milestones. One about to enter high school, one about to enter the world, and everything in between. We were joking today about the irony that the same year our oldest will be permitted to drive, our youngest will just be graduating to a front facing car seat. Will the baby be in that front facing car seat while his brother takes it out for a spin? Um, no, but it will be nice to send Tony out to pick up some milk when we run out.

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Better

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Wow, this one graduated from high school…A day most, including us (and probably him), certainly never thought would really happen. You can love a kid like crazy, feed him, clothe him, talk to him about right and wrong but, ultimately, it will all be about the choices he ends up making and he has certainly made his share of undesireable choices. We didn’t bring him into this world but the times have been many that we sure wanted to take him out! We brought him here from Mississippi in order to provide better for him, show him better, take care of him better, help him to become the better man that Mississippi would surely deprive him of…well, Mississippi, poverty, a mother struggling with addiction, and a dead end street full of dead end opportunities would surely deprive him of.  We really did do our best but , in the end, we found out just how difficult it really is to counter the effects of being born drug-affected, into a life that didn’t include many of the most basic elements most of us wouldn’t dream of robbing from our children.

We love you, Sir, and we are proud of your accomplishment. I hope this little taste of success will make you hungry for more. Life doesn’t leave any room for excuses, not even that big bag of excuses you carry on your back. In the end, and no matter what has ever happened to you in the past, you alone will be accountable for where your life takes you or, rather, where you take your life…

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