Tomorrow. The first step, of the last leg, of this particular race. Life is chalk full of races, battles, obstacles to hurdle – and going back to college at my age, with my family responsibilities and demands, into this program, has been the hardest thing I have ever done.
Five years ago, and after almost two decades of raising twelve kids, we made a family decision. Of course, it was at the constant urging of my little sister who was already on her nursing school journey. She never gave up, and she never gave in, relentless in her quest to persuade me that I could, in fact, do this. I doubted it. I did. My husband doubted it, too.
Not that we both didn’t think I was intellectually equipped, because we both knew I was…but because we didn’t believe in the possibility that I could handle the intensity of the program’s prerequisites and the competitive nature of the program’s acceptance criteria and the difficulty of the program’s content. Not in addition to everything that everyone needed from me, in our own home.
You will, she insisted. You’ll be concerned, quarter after quarter, that you may not be able to handle it…but then you just handle it. Day by day, and week by week, and quarter by quarter…until you do it. And you WILL. It just works out.
“The time is gonna pass anyway. You can be an RN in five years…or, you can still be thinking about it.” ~ Tricia Witherspoon (my sissy)
It’s been five years. It took me a year to re-qualify for financial aid. I began my prerequisites exactly four years ago. I was accepted into the Nursing Program at our local college, two years later. And tomorrow. Tomorrow. I begin my last quarter of this PTSD-inducing program.
I have grown indescribably. I have gained so much…including myself. I have had the opportunity to realize my own gifts and talents – outside of what I have been blessed to achieve in our home. I have been given the gift of my own identity – outside of whose wife, mother, and sister I am. I ran into my courage. Courage.
“The true meaning of courage is to be afraid, and then, with your knees knocking and your heart racing, to step out anyway—even when that step makes sense to nobody but you. I know that’s not easy. But making a bold move is the only way to truly advance toward the grandest vision the universe has for you.” ~ Oprah Winfrey
I am not a different person. I’m a better version of the person I already was. I have been doubly blessed. Blessed to receive each and every miracle that our chosen life came with. Every hardship, every obstacle, every smile and every tear, every single need of every single life that we were entrusted with, every struggle…shaped my strength. There is not separation between my life before and after this journey…only preparation.
“We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.” – Maya Angelou
Tomorrow. Tomorrow marks the first day of my last quarter of this nursing program. My last first day. Ten weeks to the completion of the hardest thing I’ve ever done. That’s right, the HARDEST thing I’ve EVER done…
AND THE SECOND MOST REWARDING.
Thank You, Lord.
