RIP James “Tony” Hack

Posted on December 17, 2010 by thisnest

My son is three…he’s tiny. He thinks he is strong and powerful, and he is…for a three year old. The truth is though, that he has little arms and skinny legs, and precious three year old hands and feet, and a very small ribcage that houses a pair of delicate lungs and an amazingly petite heart.

James “Tony” Hack was barely older than my own tiny son…he was just four years old. He was beaten senseless by a grown man, his mother’s boyfriend. He was beaten so severely that his little head suffered three fractures, that his small body was covered in bruises, and that eventually…his eyes closed for the last time, and his amazingly petite heart took it’s last beat.

I am so sad right now…

I know he’s in Heaven with his real Father. I know his skull is mended. I know his bruise-covered body is brand new. I know all of this, and I should be happy for him…but I am really sad right now.

His first day of kindergarten…gone. His first visit from the tooth fairy…gone. Learning how to ride a bike…gone. His first little league game…gone. His first kiss…gone. His high school graduation…gone. The college experience…gone. His first love…gone. His dream wedding…gone. Meeting his own child…gone.

Father God, I know I don’t have to ask You to take good care if him…because I know that You already are. This precious, little flower has been replanted in Your garden and I am grateful for the end of his suffering. Thank You for Your mercy and Your grace. Please give Little Tony a big hug, from the world who never knew of him…until today. In Jesus Name…Amen.

 
Sweet, pure child…
Too good for the life for which you were made,
Too soft for the harshness of today,
So now goodbye to you we say.
Sweet, pure child…
Where were the arms to hold you tight?
There was no protection for you that night,
And still in the darkness you were light.
Sweet, pure child…
Your name and your face we didn’t know,
Until the world had to let you go,
Your image forever will strike a blow.

In life, what is beautiful?
You were, Sweet Baby Boy.

Posted in A SPARROW'S HEART, MY THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS | 2 Comments

The Heart’s Chambers

Posted on December 16, 2010 by thisnest

Devaney…my super beautiful, ultra intelligent, amazingly gifted,  thirty  thirteen year old daughter…I love you! 

As we laid, side by side, cuddled up on the race-car bed in the baby’s room tonight, watching the boys play, we somehow got on the subject of the size of a person’s heart. I simply mentioned that D’Lo’s little heart was merely the same size as his tiny fist. I mean, I’ll have to google it (one of my favorite things to do) to verify, but I believe that holds true for most people, right? The size of one’s heart is comparable to the size of their fist?

Well, never the less, she adamantly disagreed (holding her own fist up to her face for inspection)…”There’s no way it’s the same size!” she exclaimed.

“Yes, it is.” I insisted

“The heart has to be bigger, it has four chambers!” she continued

“Yes, it sure does!” I returned, pleasantly surprised that she was throwing such knowledge at me…”and what are the names of the four chambers?” I asked, completely expecting my obviously bright child to hit me with her education of ventricles and atria (you know, right and left)…

Big smile on her face, lots of confidence, and…

“The Family, The Love, The Soul, and The Friendship.”

Posted in FAMILY | Leave a comment

Check The Box

Posted on December 12, 2010 by thisnest

 

Our children are not black, nor are they white…they are both. They are not half of anything, but rather a whole – times two. They are living, breathing, laughing, and loving symbols of racial harmony. They are not confused, they are enlightened…and they will not be contained by one checked box to describe their racial identity.

Maybe certain members of society would like to perpetuate the erroneous truth that our children are products of baby mamas and baby daddies, and white girls who search out the next big, black adventure in the local night club or professional sporting event…And maybe that’s a way to protect themselves from a truth they don’t want to face.

Maybe those same ignorant members of society try to convince themselves, and those around them, that the mixed and happy couples out there producing mixed and happy families and children, are really suffering from some kind of self-hatred, and that’s why they step outside the lines of “their own kind” to find what they’re missing…And maybe that’s yet another protection mechanism used to shield them from that truth they don’t want to face.

Our children’s truth encompasses varying combinations of race, levels of education and socio-economic status, and to be honest…some really great love stories. Today’s blended and beautiful children are but the third or fourth wave in what will inevitably be an ocean of success stories taking over this world of ours. 

They are future doctors, nurses, lawyers, teachers, police officers, business owners, entrepreneurs… and presidents. More importantly, they will become husbands and wives, mommies and daddies – families, and when that happens…there really won’t be enough of those little boxes on one page that will be able to racially identify anyone.

Posted in "MIXED" MESSAGES | Tagged , , , , | 1 Comment

My Moment

Posted on December 10, 2010 by thisnest

I had a moment last night…you know, those instances when time seems to stand still just long enough? Just long enough to memorize that moment, to really acknowledge it, to experience it, and then consciously tuck it away into your forever memory bank? Well, that’s the gift I received last night.

I sat in my (Queen’s) spot on our big sectional. Daddy has his own (King’s) spot too. The kids can sit in those places but as soon as we come to sit down, they know instinctively to move over, lol. Back on track…I sat there, my youngest child (AD) in my lap, trying to position himself and tugging on my shirt (booby). My oldest child, my beautiful son, the one who first called me Mommy, he came in. He swooped in and gave me a hug…I inhaled him. He stood up, looking down on us intently for a moment. He then made a loving, yet clumsy and unsuccessful, attempt to join his little brother on my lap (he weighs like a buck thirty-five now and is literally still growing overnight). He ended up sort of squished in next to me, arm around me instead of the other way around, and I found myself laying my head on his (ever-broadening) chest. 

…And my moment. Time just stopped. The first time any of my children have ever held me. I closed my eyes. He was so warm…he smelled like a man. My heart dropped and soared at the same time. I somehow left myself, while still staying in that moment, and really saw with my own heart the special significance of this gift…My oldest child holding me as I held my youngest child…Amazing.  Another precious deposit into that forever memory bank. How can one woman be so blessed? I don’t know…but I am so thankful.

Posted in FAMILY | Leave a comment

December 1st, 1955

Posted on December 1, 2010 by thisnest

She was tired of moving…wouldn’t you be? Some random person gets on the bus after you and demands you give up your seat for him? I mean, it’s almost laughable that someone would have the nerve to be so disrespectful…but then the law says you have to give the seat to him because of the color of his skin…and because of the color of yours? Can you imagine the humiliation? I don’t even want to.

I want you to know, Miss Rosa, that I would have given my seat to you. I want to thank you for your seemingly fearless stand, although I have to assume that you were, in fact, a little afraid. How could your heart have not been racing as that word rose up from the pit of your throat and spilled out of your mouth onto a man as ignorant as that? That word…NO! I wonder if you took the time to think about that word, and the consequences it would have for you, or if that word surprised you as much as it did everyone else on the bus that day.

I want you to know, Miss Rosa, that even as my own children can sit where they want, swim where they want, eat where they want, and go to school where they want…you are not far from my mind. Not just today, a short fifty-five years after you took that fateful stand, but everyday, I am thankful that you were brave enough. Even if, for a split second, you wished that word back into your mouth, I can only imagine the amount of courage it must have taken to repeat it…NO!

I want you to know, Miss Rosa, that I feel relieved to not have experienced those times personally, that I feel honored to have witnessed the progress that’s been made during my own lifetime, and that I feel hopeful for the world as ALL of our children take over where we leave off. I honor you, and the spirit of so many others, by contributing to the future, countless generations that will be touched by what I teach my kids now. I teach them to know what’s right, do what’s right, and I hope I instill in them the strength they need to also say that word when they need to…NO!

Rosa Parks, your legacy belongs to all of us…

Posted in "MIXED" MESSAGES, MY THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS | Tagged , , | 2 Comments