Funny Man

So…this husband of mine…he thinks he’s pretty funny. He’s been getting a big kick out of watching me juggle two baby boys (I still nurse D’Lo) between two boobies (as D’Lo would put it). “Booby, booby, booby!” my twenty-two month old demands of me at his whim. These particular words, in any random order, are his favorites: Mommy, booby, bed, night night, eat…and of course “NO” if his new brother happens to have taken his place under the sacred nipples of life, lol.

Back to this husband of mine. Let me start off by saying that he loves seeing his sons nurtured in this way. Having missed out on this type of mommy loving in his own childhood, I clearly see the adoration in his eyes whenever I am kissing, hugging, nursing, cuddling, etc. any of his children. With that out of the way, I gotta also let  you all know that, contrary to the truth, Antonio Sparrow thinks he is a comedian. It was bad enough that he actually found delight in calling my breasts milk jugs as we traded places in the shower (I was getting out, he was getting in). He gave them a little tap and smiled and renamed them Milk Jugs. OK, this gets way worse. Next thing I know, he’s in there muttering to himself, which is nothing new as he often talks to himself (I told him that was fine as long as he didn’t answer himself back). Then he loudly blurts out, “Hey Baby, what do you call a cow that walks on two legs?”  I’m thinking, what in the  h-e-double hockey sticks is this man asking me? “Um, I don’t know Baby, what?”  To which he giggles (yes, a grown man giggling)… “Mama!”

Hold up! Is my husband calling me a cow? This being the typical response of a woman who just gave birth and is not quite feeling, hmmm, what’s the word… intact at all.  Awww, beautiful clarification, “Get it? milk, cow, baby, two legs meaning human?…No?” as his tickled brown eyes peeked at my reaction from over the shower curtain.  “No.” I answered. “Really?” he inquired. “Really, NO.” was my immediate reply.

Did I dash his hopes of bringing that joke to any kind of life? Lord, I hope so…

Did he dash my hopes that anytime in the next decade he may look at my breasts as sexual objects? Um, most definitely.