I found a piece of you last night…a piece of you I didn’t expect to come across, and it tore sharply at my heart. I was getting ready for bed and, as I dried my freshly washed face on a towel behind the door, my gaze drifted slightly to the right toward some of your bead necklaces that are also hanging back there. I didn’t prompt my arm but before I knew what was happening, it was carrying my hand toward your beads. I didn’t prompt my hand but before I could stop, it carried my fingers and they wrapped themselves around the necklaces. I didn’t prompt my fingers either, as they quickly carried those familiar pieces toward my face.
I inhaled…a long, deep breath…and there you were, Grandma. That same, familiar scent…sweet, subtle but still strong…you. It hurt me, I wasn’t expecting it, but still I was so happy to experience it again. I desperately grabbed and inhaled again…nothing. Damn it! Again I tried…nothing. I made the same, desperate attempt about five more times, finally (but faintly) finding you one last time before I broke down and began crying. I looked for you there again this morning…you weren’t there. I miss you…
Since you’ve been gone, the world around me continues to rush by…Tony is growing like a weed, I think he’s a little bigger every morning. Devaney moved up from an A cup to a B cup. Destiny began basketball practice. D’Lo is going potty on the pot pot. A’D, well, he is walking now. I wish I would have done a better job sharing these things with you while you were still here…I’m so sorry, Grandma. I love you…
I’ll write again soon.
Love, your very first granddaughter,
Donna Kay
I love you