Hutchie’s Rainbow

What makes this world worth keeping?

That precious, wide-eyed child at his wondrous age of discovery – Seeing his very first rainbow and wanting to get close enough to let the sweet colors pour into his tiny hands like syrup…

Hutchie, Thanks for telling me about the first rainbow you saw! I don’t know if I had more fun hearing you tell the story…or explaining the difference between a pot-of-gold (leprechauns) and a treasure (pirates) to you and your pirate brother, Carson! I love you both.

Love, Aunt Donna 🙂

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My Precious Star

Dear Star,

I’ve been thinking back over our time together. It seems as though it just flew right by but, looking back over all the hardships we faced, I know that it was actually a process of years that contained both joy and heartache. I remember the very first time I laid eyes on you. A little, satin-skinned doll with sparkling eyes that seem to take up your entire, cute face…those were some big, brown eyes, that’s for sure! And my eyes…you were afraid of them, afraid of me at first. I don’t believe that in the two and a half years you’d been alive, had you ever seen blue eyes! Let alone a face as pale as mine. That fear was short-lived as I took you in my arms, trying to protect you from any more trauma than you’d already experienced.

Looking back, I wonder if we should have done things differently. We were so young, your oldest brother and I. We were in love and trying to build a life for ourselves and, of course, the two of your older brothers we had already taken custody of. Knowing that something had to be done to help you and your remaining siblings is not the same as knowing what that something is…or more to the point, how to do it. So with a toddler of our own, and calls coming in from relatives in Mississippi giving us the choice to come and get you guys or have the State step in and handle things, well, we made a choice.

I will never forget the baby that you were, stepping off that Greyhound bus in the arms of my husband, along with three more of your brothers. The cornrows in your hair so old that they contained dust and were starting to lock, the tattered pajamas you were wearing that were just begging me to throw them away, and a fear on your face that I’d never seen a two year old express.

Through birthdays and grade school graduations, from first days of school – to Outdoor School – to high school, past the smiles and through the tears, around numerous hugs and countless kisses, from missing your own mama to waiting daily by the mailbox for her package that never came, and then my trying to explain away her “illness” in an attempt to defend her, and comfort you…I have had the honor of watching you grow, and grow, and grow.

Now, a young woman. I am proud of you and the right choices you continue to make. Even starting with the choice, made by all of us, that you return to Mississippi to be reunited with your mom. Your heart’s desire to love her and be loved by her has been so central in the amazing comeback she is making. I am so proud of you. She is so blessed to have you as a daughter…and I am so blessed to have been a part of the beautiful woman you are still becoming. I love you Star-Bar.

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Wordless Wednesday…”Naughty Puppy!”

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Kawasaki Disease Awareness

This is our precious D’Angelo Antonio in late Summer of 2008. Shortly after this picture was taken, he was diagnosed with a little known syndrome called Kawasaki Disease. This was, by far, the scariest week of our lives, as well as a week to really appreciate the quick thinking of his pediatrician.  This is our Kawasaki Disease story:

It was Thursday, October 30, 2008…Halloween Eve (We had been looking forward to this Halloween because, although it wasn’t his first, it was the first year D’Lo would really be aware of the costumes and candy, and we were all looking forward to the reactions of our one year old). He had a well child check with his pediatrician that included immunizations. Nothing eventful, the appointment came and went, and we continued on about our busy day. That evening, D’Lo started to feel warm to the touch and just didn’t seem like himself. I assumed he was having a mild reaction to his immunizations, gave him some baby Motrin, and we all went to bed.

Late the next morning he began spiking another temperature but he seemed to respond well enough to another dose of fever reducer that we decided to proceed with the Halloween festivities taking place at my sister’s house. He had so much fun, a little fussy, but mostly amazed by the abundance of funny characters coming to the door and that big bowl of candy that was so accessible. Saturday he began to worsen, and on Sunday I was called away from the dance team’s halftime performance (I was coaching my two daughters’ dance team) because he had grown so miserable that we could no longer accept this as a small fever or mild reaction to his shots. In just the two hours I had been away from him, his symptoms had significantly increased and further worsened. He was now much hotter than before and not responding very well to the fever reducer, he was extremely uncomfortable and inconsolable. He was beginning to develop a body rash that extended down into his groin area, his eyes were becoming pink, and his mouth was red, not pink, it was red, and I’m talking about his entire mouth-lips gums, and tongue.

I rushed him into the emergency room where, of course, after a long wait, they summed up his symptoms with the simple explanation that he had an ear infection and that he was probably having an allergic reaction to something. I kept pointing out the bumps that were forming on his little tongue and asking if it was even possible to get a rash on a tongue. My questions and concerns seemed easily dismissed, as those of an overly protective mother would be, and we were sent on our way with a paper prescription for antibiotics.

This just couldn’t be right…I mean something seemed wrong and that feeling just wouldn’t leave me. We went directly into our own pediatrician’s office the next day. She took one look at him and began talking to me about Kawasaki Disease. No, I had never even heard of this but I listened eagerly as she began to explain. The nurse came in to check my son’s temperature and when it quickly read 106 .7 degrees, she immediately called for a transport and we were quickly taken to the Children’s Hospital.

The following five days were something we will never forget. Nearly a week of watching my baby boy being poked with needles, IV’s, blood draws (many unsuccessful and traumatizing), and the worsening of his symptoms which now included swollen, red palms of his feet and hands. He was so miserable and found myself thanking God that I still nursed him, as that was his only source of comfort. He just laid there, lifeless, on either my chest, lap, or next to me on that uncomfortable, little couch-bed. The only time he seemed to have any energy at all was when he was being terrorized by yet one more blood draw…God, please help my baby!

After an inaccurate diagnosis of a bacterial blood infection, which included the necessity of a spinal tap on his tiny one-year old back and a broad spectrum antibiotic, they finally settled back in with the original thought, that this was Kawasaki disease. They began to treat him immediately with IVIG (explained to me as concentrated antibodies from someone else’s blood). Through that night, and as an answer to prayer, I began to quickly see him improving. He was responding well to the IVIG and regaining some of the life I had seen slipping out of him. Now the concerns about his little heart became the issue. With Kawasaki Disease, there is a critical ten day window in which treatment is crucial in order to slim the child’s chances of complications to the heart. Now, a whole new set of worries as the cardiologist met with us to perform an echocardiogram, checking for initial damage. None…thank You again Lord.

Three months later we were to meet further with cardiogists to recheck my baby’s heart for damage that may have been undetected or not yet developed during the initial echo. Please God, give us some good news one more time. Again my prayers were answered and we walked out of that office with a healthy, “normal” seventeen month old. We realized just how fortunate we really were to have received precious treatment in time. 

There are not enough words to both thank those in the medical field who recognized the symptoms, as well as to encourage those in the medical field who are uneducated about this disease to get educated. Our D’Lo is here today, alive, active, and healthy, and we appreciate every minute of it, because he got the help he needed.

If you want to learn more about Kawasaki Disease, its symptoms and treatment, and read other personal stories on the subject, please visit the Kawasaki Disease Foundation Website at www.kdfoundation.org

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Oh Yes, He Did!

He’s at the age where he can actually now remember his last birthday. His biggest memory of the occasion was obviously all the new toys he received…I know this because every time a toy commercial comes on, he gets all excited and very loudly lets me know to get him that advertised toy for his birthday!

“Ooh, Mama, I want that fuh my buhthday! Can I get that fuh my buhthday?! Mama! Mama! Can you get me that fuh my buhthday?!”

Now I’m not just talking about trucks and action figures. I’m talking about any toy that he sees in a commercial. Play-dough, Hot Wheels, baby dolls, Barbie Dolls, Toy Story toys, Iron Man stuff…any toys! He wants them all for his birthday.

A few days back we are sitting in front of the television when a commercial comes on advertising some new, hottest way to get your abs in shape, exercise machine. He looks at me, excitement building on his face and in his voice and says:

“Mama, Ima get you that fuh yuh buhthday!”

Oh no, he didn’t!…Oh yes, he did!

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