Setting The Record Straight

Posted on April 30, 2011 by thisnest

Oh, wait…you must think that it bothers me that it bothers you. You are obviously under the impression that I actually care about how my life makes you feel. I am very sorry (well, not really) to have to tell you this but – you are highly mistaken. The honest to Heaven truth is that it really makes no difference to me whether or not you approve of my marriage, my children, or our God given right to be a family.

There are some of you that think because we share a similar European ancestory (and a lack of melanin) that I should exclusively belong to you. The commonalities of our longer noses and smaller lips, of our straighter hair and lighter eyes, and our creamy skin and tendency to freckle, do not entitle you to believe that you have “dibs” on me! I am not less feminine or more trashy because the hand I will hold throughout my life is darker than mine, but if that’s what you need to say to yourself in order to gain some sort of peace about the fact that I didn’t choose you…well, you only waste your own time and energy on that. It affects me NONE.

Others of you actually (and laughably) think that my husband must hate himself, to be married to me and not to “one of his own”…you can really miss me with that one! Do you think that because his skin more closely matches yours, that his heart does too? Let me tell you something…I didn’t take him from you, do you know why? Because he never belonged to you. The similarities in the texture of your hair, the broadness of your nose, and the fullness of your lips, they don’t give you exclusive rights to another human being. Enough is enough, stop mean mugging every couple that you are not one-half of, simply because they are not color coordinated…it’s really getting played out.

But the history, you say. Yes, the history…who can can ever, or should ever, forget about the tragedies and triumphs of the past? Never me, never us, and God willing, never our children.
We recognize the sacrifices of those that came before us. Those who cried, sang, fought, sat, and even died, to right the wrongs so savagely thrust upon an entire race. We honor their legacy by being true to our hearts, regardless of our complexions, and loving with all our might, regardless of which side our ancestors were on.

I, we, owe no apologies to another human being for the choice we made to have a life together. Our children will not suffer the devastation some assume they will. Why should they? They have a mother and a father who adore them,  a deeper understanding of the past that made them the present, and possess a promise of hope for the future.  There is no guilt from either of us, only celebration that God made us just for each other. We didn’t abandon our own, we are a family – we are our own.

 

 MULTICULTURAL AWARENESS BLOG CARNIVAL!!!

MONDAY, MAY 2nd after 8am – CLICK ON THE FOLLOWING LINK:

http://www.biculturalmom.com/

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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My Child, My Teacher

Posted on April 28, 2011 by thisnest

Grown men can learn from very little children, for the hearts of little children are pure. Therefore, the Great Spirit may show to them many things which older people miss…Black Elk

Every time someone comes to the front door, whether it be the doorbell, or keys jingling in the lock, or simply the sound of it opening…both boys go running wildly toward it, screaming “Daddy, Daddy, Daddy! Whatcha got? Whatcha got, Daddy?!” (he always brings them a treat after work)

Today, that doorbell rang and the action began. I knew it wasn’t Daddy since it was only eleven in the morning but, being one and three, they always think it’s Daddy. As I opened the door, both boys trying to squeeze past me, I saw the UPS guy walking away and then noticed the package he had just set on our porch (the UPS guy was short, he was white, and he was heavy-set). I had been waiting on the delivery for a few days now…Roots, The Thirtieth Year Anniversary Edition. We are beginning the series with our older three kids and, even though my heart aches through almost the entire presentation, I am looking forward to seeing it with them.

D’Lo started bombarding me with questions immediately (the way only a three year old can)…”What’s that?”

“A movie.” I replied

“What movie?” he asked

“Roots.” I answered

“Where did you get it?” (even though he’d just seen it delivered)

“I ordered it.” I say

“But, but, where did you get it?” he asks again insistently

“I bought it, Baby.” I try to answer again

(He pauses)

“But did you bought it from that man?”

THAT MAN…Not that short man, not that fat man, not that WHITE man, just that…MAN.

Now, I know that my son could see the physicalities of this man…but those things aren’t his focus. D’Lo sees the physical differences in people everyday, so much in fact…that he doesn’t even see those differences at all. Amazing. I love you, D’Lo. Thank you for being my teacher today, and the world’s teacher tomorrow. I am so proud of you…

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Joy And Pain

Posted on April 25, 2011 by thisnest

It’s crazy how joy and pain can co-exist within us, filling the same place and time. I spent yesterday being happy and sad.

Easter is alway a time of reflection, both remembering what He did for me so long ago… and what He continues to do for me today. I stay up late the night before, filling five (many more than that in the past) baskets, and then carefully placing them at the heads of soundly sleeping Sparrows. Their rooms are a mess so imagine me blindly tip-toeing around an obstacle course in the dark. The morning brings with it such sweet discoveries for my precious children. Joy.

Then came the news I had been waiting on for nine days. News that meant severe sadness for a very close, family friend. Hayley has been in Idaho for a week and a half, waiting on word about her dad. He was involved in a mining accident at the Lucky Friday Mine…the irony of that not lost on me, the collapse took place on a Friday. She received the news yesterday, Easter, that her father was believed deceased. Later that day, they recovered the body of Larry Marek. Pain.

Into the evening, we watched Passion of the Christ with our older children. Talk about tears (the first time I saw this movie, my eyes were swollen for two days), yet still there is such power in The Sacrifice. So many times throughout the film I want to scream “Stop! Don’t do it!” But then there’s this realization that without that darkest part of our history, today would lose it’s hope…

There would be no squeals of delight – the audible ones from my kids, stumbling upon their sweet-treats…and the inaudible content I feel knowing what His offering means for my kid’s eternities. Then, even in the deepest trench that sadness could dig, there still remains the hope that Larry is not gone…he is just somewhere else. The potential for a better place than this, waiting for each of us after this very temporary (some more than others) life has ended.

That is the place where joy and pain co-exist for me. Does anyone else know what I mean?

Posted in MY THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS | 2 Comments

Beyond A Birthday

Posted on April 19, 2011 by thisnest

How amazing is this?…

My mother is the oldest girl of six kids, with only one brother. I am the oldest girl of seven kids, with only one brother!

My mother’s first child was a boy, born on April 17th. My first child was a boy, born on April 17th!

1969 and 1995…The April 17’s of those years made parents out of both my mama and myself (well, a few other things contributed too, lol).

I’ll never forget talking to my brother from the hospital room I was staying in. The biggest gift I could have offered him was his first nephew, born on his birthday. Doug was celebrating his 26th the day God delivered to me my first blessing. I know my brother would have been there if he hadn’t been living so far away at the time.

Three years later, we would be dealing with another kind of hospital room…my brother would be involved in a life threatening car accident. We had virtually said goodbye to him. He was in a coma for two months…and the doctors said he would never wake up. They said that he would #1. Grow old asleep, or #2. Die of a complication such as a brain aneurysm. There seemed no hope.  I absorbed my mom’s desperation, listening to her cry and moan all night long, as we slept in the motor home we had parked outside the hospital. I had my (two now) children with me and I concentrated heavily on the fact that my first-born was warmly curled up next to me…while her first-born was in a different kind of sleep, separated from his mama by doctors, nurses, and hospital walls. It was a very long and painful time, but one that saw the unfolding of miracles right before our eyes.

This past Sunday, we gathered as a family to celebrate both birthday boys…Doug turned forty-two and, to my grand disbelief, my beautiful Antonio turned sixteen. The time has simply flown by, taking with it many of the obstacles we have overcome…and having the decency to leave behind so many beautiful memories for us to enjoy.

I am so proud of my son and my brother. I continue to be impressed by the development of the young man God designed my son to be…and I’m grateful that my only brother is around to see his oldest nephew, his birthday twin, fulfill his purpose.

Happy Birthday Doug and Tony! I love you both 🙂

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Adarius…Funny AND Smart

Posted on April 13, 2011 by thisnest

Insanity. That’s the name of the workout challenge I’m in the middle of. The only thing more insane than this workout…is trying to do it each day with a one and three year old running around me the whole time! D’Lo is getting better at keeping himself occupied during Mommy’s workouts but his brother, well, that’s a different story entirely. Adarius seems to be irritated by the sudden shift of my attention, from it’s normal position – directly on him – to the set of hard-bodied maniacs on the television screen, that mama is killing herself to keep up with.

During the floor work and stretching, when my head is low enough for his stubby-armed reach, he is constantly wrapping them around my neck and/or kissing my face and/or trying to climb up onto my back. During the intensity of the cardio work, I find myself thinking that I’m probably actually working even harder than the professionals on that screen. I do, after-all, have to constantly move around and sometimes hurdle this short, demanding little guy while I try to keep in pace.

Today he figured out a way to really disrupt my routine…such a funny and smart shrimp. I had to crack open the patio door next to me, to get some cooler air into the area. When he thought I wasn’t looking, he would sneak over, pull the door closed, and waddle off in a hurry…Then I would jog over, pull it open again, and get back to work…Then he would sneak in again, looking over his shoulder to see if I was watching him, and close the slider again. This went on and on until, after about the ninth or tenth time through this little routine, I jogged over again to open it up again and…

this Little Bugar didn’t just shut the door…HE LOCKED IT! 

…Like I said, funny and smart, lol!

 

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